2. Will we have children, and if so, will you change the diapers?
“When it comes to having children or not, it’s important not to just say what the partner wants to hear,” says Debbie Martinez, who advises couples on marriage issues and divorces. Before the wedding, the topic should therefore be discussed honestly and in detail. Do you want children at all? If yes, how many? At what point in time, and how does everyone imagine his or her role as a parent? If you clarify these questions in advance, there are fewer unpleasant surprises afterwards.
3. Will the experiences we have with our ex-partners help or hinder us?
Talking about ex-partners is always such a thing. On the one hand, of course, one is curious and wants to know more about the previous life of the partner. On the other hand, the findings could also provide for frustrations or inferiority complexes. People are very hesitant when it comes to their own past, says Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. An investigation found that people who had many serious relationships are more likely to divorce and, statistically, lead more miserable marriages.
There are several causes for this. So you are experienced after many relationships when it comes to separations, also tends to compare the current partner with former liaisons – usually to his detriment. The best way out is to have a “deep, productive conversation” and to accept that the partner had a life ahead of you.
4. How important is religion to us? And how are we going to celebrate religious holidays?
If both partners have different religious backgrounds, couples should be aware of whether and how everyone lives up to their beliefs. Much more relevant, however, is the question in which beliefs one educates the children. “It’s helpful to have a plan in this matter,” says couple therapist Robert Scuka.